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Bedstar’s guide to pulling the perfect Euro 2016 sickie!
England and Wales face off this Thursday in what appears to be a must-win game for The Three Lions.
Unfortunately, it’s on at 2pm and if you’re like most people, you’ll be at work.
We mean, come on, you’ve just splashed out on a new TV bed and all you’ve done is watch repeats of Casualty on a Sunday morning. As much as you hate to do so, you’re going to have to pull a sickie.
Don’t panic – we’re here to help! The sickie is a work of art that has to be planned, practiced and executed perfectly. We have the tools to make it happen!
And so, getting it right is key. Otherwise, you might just be in a rather awkward meeting with your boss discussing performance, and nobody wants that!
Fail to prepare. Prepare to fail.
Pick the perfect day!
Deciding which day to pull a sickie is crucial, but since we’re only a day away from England vs Wales we’ve got to move quickly.
Cancel your meetings, get ahead of deadlines, do whatever you need to do to clear everything due on Thursday. You want your boss to think, ‘ah well, at least everything is done’.
If you’re adding work to your manager’s already over spilling plate they’ll look for any reason to keep you in.
Enter the mind of your boss!
Become your boss. Visualise where they sit and what they see and most importantly, get into their head and imagine what they’ll be thinking come 9am on Sunday.
‘It’s the England game today, is that why they’re off?’ ‘How did he eat a whole pack of biscuits at 4 o’clock when he was feeling peaky yesterday?’ ‘He seemed okay at the pub last night after his fourth pint.’
If they’re (well, you, as you’re pretending to be them) going to ask these questions come Thursday morning, you’ve planned your sickie wrong.
Make sure you know your boss well, otherwise you’re going to fail.
Set the precedent!
This is exactly the reason why setting the scene is incredibly important. Falling ill doesn’t happen overnight and so, you’re going to have to prepare.
Since we’re only a couple of days away from the match you’re going to have to take drastic action. Walk in and collapse on the floor – preferably with a cup of coffee on your hand. People will flock to you straight away, but claim you’re okay.
‘It was just a trip, I’m fine. Honestly.’
As you’re being picked up, look your boss dead in the eye and say, ‘don’t worry, I’m okay, just feeling a little off.’
That was no trip, you nearly fainted and your boss definitely wants to send you home. Unfortunately, the gaffer doesn’t want to look weak and so you head to your desk to crack on with your work. Meanwhile, the head honcho is definitely worrying about your health.
The next few hours are crucial!
You don’t want to be sent home though, that gives you time to recover. No, you’ve got to remain at work until 5pm.
Perfecting the morning email!
If your boss is expecting you in tomorrow then you’re going to need a cracking email to support.
Prepare for the phone call of your life!
If, for some reason, your boss is a nutter and does ring, then you’re going to have to pull off a miracle.